Things that Extraordinary People Say Every Day
They're small things, but each has the power to dramatically
change someone's day. Including yours.
Want to make a huge difference in someone's life?
Here are things you should say every day to your employees, colleagues, family
members, friends, and everyone you care about:
"Here's what I'm thinking."
You're in charge, but that doesn't mean you're
smarter, savvier, or more insightful than everyone else. Back up your
statements and decisions. Give reasons. Justify with logic, not with position
or authority.
Though taking the time to explain your decisions
opens those decisions up to discussion or criticism, it also opens up your
decisions to improvement.
Authority can make you "right," but collaboration
makes everyone right--and makes everyone pull together.
"I was wrong."
I once came up with what I thought was an awesome
plan to improve overall productivity by moving a crew to a different shift on
an open production line. The inconvenience to the crew was considerable, but
the payoff seemed worth it. On paper, it was perfect.
In practice, it wasn't.
So, a few weeks later, I met with the crew and
said, "I know you didn't think this would work, and you were right. I was
wrong. Let's move you back to your original shift."
I felt terrible. I felt stupid. I was sure I'd
lost any respect they had for me.
It turns out I was wrong about that, too. Later
one employee said, "I didn't really know you, but the fact you were
willing to admit you were wrong told me everything I needed to know."
When you're wrong, say you're wrong. You won't
lose respect--you'll gain it.
"That was awesome."
No one gets enough praise. No one. Pick
someone--pick anyone--who does or did something well and say, "Wow, that
was great how you..."
And feel free to go back in time. Saying
"Earlier, I was thinking about how you handled that employee issue last
month..." can make just as positive an impact today as it would have then.
(It could even make a bigger impact, because it shows you still remember what
happened last month, and you still think about it.)
Praise is a gift that costs the giver nothing but
is priceless to the recipient. Start praising. The people around you will love
you for it--and you'll like yourself a little better, too.
"You're welcome."
Think about a time you gave a gift and the
recipient seemed uncomfortable or awkward. Their reaction took away a little of
the fun for you, right?
The same thing can happen when you are thanked or
complimented or praised. Don't spoil the moment or the fun for the other
person. The spotlight may make you feel uneasy or insecure, but all you have to
do is make eye contact and say, "Thank you." Or make eye contact and
say, "You're welcome. I was glad to do it."
Don't let thanks, congratulations, or praise be
all about you. Make it about the other person, too.
"Can you help me?"
When you need help, regardless of the type of
help you need or the person you need it from, just say, sincerely and humbly,
"Can you help me?"
I
promise you'll get help. And in the process you'll show vulnerability,
respect, and a willingness to listen--which, by the way, are all qualities of a
great leader.
And are all qualities of a great friend.
"I'm sorry."
We all make mistakes, so we all have things we
need to apologize for: words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in,
show support...
Say you're sorry.
But never follow an apology with a disclaimer
like "But I was really mad, because..." or "But I did think you
were..." or any statement that in any way places even the smallest amount
of blame back on the other person.
Say you're sorry, say why you're sorry, and take
all the blame. No less. No more.
Then you both get to make the freshest of fresh
starts.
"Can you show me?"
Advice is temporary; knowledge is forever.
Knowing what to do helps, but knowing how or why to do it means everything.
When you ask to be taught or shown, several
things happen: You implicitly show you respect the person giving the advice;
you show you trust his or her experience, skill, and insight; and you get to
better assess the value of the advice.
Don't just ask for input. Ask to be taught or
trained or shown.
Then you both win.
"Let me give you a hand."
Many people see asking for help as a sign of
weakness. So, many people hesitate to ask for help.
But everyone needs help.
Don't just say, "Is there anything I can
help you with?" Most people will give you a version of the reflexive
"No, I'm just looking" reply to sales clerks and say, "No, I'm
all right."
Be specific. Find something you can help with.
Say "I've got a few minutes. Can I help you finish that?" Offer in a
way that feels collaborative, not patronizing or gratuitous. Model the behavior
you want your employees to display.
Then actually roll up your sleeves and help.
"I love you."
No, not at work, but everywhere you mean it--and
every time you feel it.
Nothing.
Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. If
you're upset, frustrated, or angry, stay quiet. You may think venting will make
you feel better, but it never does.
That's especially true where your employees are
concerned. Results come and go, but feelings are forever. Criticize an employee
in a group setting and it will seem like he eventually got over it, but inside,
he never will.
Before you speak, spend more time considering how
employees will think and feel than you do evaluating whether the decision makes
objective sense. You can easily recover from a mistake made because of faulty
data or inaccurate projections.
You'll never recover from the damage you inflict
on an employee's self-esteem.
Be quiet until you know exactly
what to say--and exactly what affect your words will have.
